In 2022, 8 year old Narek, & his slightly younger 37 year old best friend Armen - me-, spent a day to explore together. Both of us had cameras in our hands planning to capture moments we found to be significant.

It was on that day, when I saw the pictures Narek had taken, and I was genuinely impressed by his framing and what he found deserving to take. I made sure he knows that his photography was equivalent to my skill in my mid to late 20s.I repeat, he was 8. by reacting in the way i did,his cheeks began to blush and eventually turn red.a smirk grew on his face as a reassurance to his confidence and pride as he now believed in his gift. And it was in this moment that led him to ask,

He wasn’t talking about long-term. He was speaking about an immediate route for him to help his grandparents - who were stuck and locked inside a blockade. Along with helping out his parents, who were struggling in refuge as they were left stuck outside of the blockade.
And I replied, -

“we can sell prints,- perhaps sell them in America to make you more sales and money- but I’ve never done it to know the truth and give you an honest answer.”

He looked me in the eyes with a smile, while shaking his head and said,

“don’t think I want to sell mine. I’m thinking what if you find someone from LA to work together with someone here, and that way they work together and it can be a bigger opportunity for the people here. And for me- all I want is just a small amount from the sales- cause I think it’s a good idea and this will help my family and eventually save to get my grandpa the car I’ve promised i’m going to get him.”

I placed my hand out in agreement, promising him that we’d do it.
———

-or-

His family, his people, and all of Artsakh were forced out by the enemies soon after. but Artsakh is still home to Narek, - And as an armenian, I understand his pain- because my whole life I’ve been taught about a place called “Adana” as my home. you see, I, too, stem from the exact same story that he’s entering- but on my history’s timeline- he is living the same story as my grandfather. which means, I am who Narek’s grandson of the future will be.

This realization made me wonder why would I talk about ADANA without understanding the more important subject of how and why I actually exist- in any case, I finally began to understand it through narek and his dad.

I exist because the enemy wanted my land, - and for the land, they murdered a large number of my people to make sure they take it.

By seeing my story in Narek, I began to understand my great grandfather’s story- and it made me realize how he was never a victim I had made him out to be. I had a powerful revelation. my great grandfather found a way to defeat the enemy, and by doing so, he strategically saved his family. what i mean is, I literally only exist because a man - in his desperation to save his family- understood not to give a flying fu*k about anything,- especially his home and the land - as he handed both t0 the enemy only moments after he witnessed my grandfather’s birth. it was in That moment where he discovered his way of defeating the enemy,- and he set himself up to be taken by the Enemy, making sure for them to feel power and to believe that they were the ones who chose to place the noose around his neck. Never did they know that he studied their acts, and knew that this will lead to his wife with their newborn and kids to come and see him- knowing the enemy loved to torture the women by forcing them to witness their husband’s hanging.

and my great grandfather made sure it happens- strategizing it with his wife, both of them knowing that they’ll be using this moment for a chance to say their goodbye. And for him, it was for him to see the home he has built, and in his last moments, he knew he wasn’t destroying his home- he knew he was creating what has now become 5 generations to exist and over hundreds of lives living- from only one man’s vision and sacrifice.

I have always had a nervous tick- rubbing of my neck. and the older I get, the worse it has become. I Always have related it to - the noose,- and yet, now ive began to rub much more, and strangely, its because I don’t feel the noose anymore. I’m not used to this feeling. i no longer feel an imaginary rope- its strange, because I finally understood how his death came instantly, and i never realized that he in fact never felt the noose.- In fact, I’ve felt it more than he did. And sadly, now that I don’t feel it anymore - I miss it. and it makes me rub my neck so much more. I’m not used to this feeling.

And therefore, I’m writing this to share my story, but most importantly, to share this letter with you when you’re older, Narek.

My brother, I understand Losing your land hurts. i understand Losing your home hurts. But I actually don’t understand it, because I haven’t felt the hurt. I’ve only was taught it, and with you, i’ve only finally began to witness it. And what I’ve only felt is guilt, - not actual pain. It’s the guilt I had for my people. the guilt i have had For you. For all my friends and family, and all of my people of artsakh. and my guilt will only remain as guilt if I was to not write this by speaking my truth. Narek, I am your best friend, 30 years apart, but I need you to understand that I am nothing more than just your grandchild of the future- and I exist Only because of you.

Understand, if humanity didn't exist, would land be anything more than just land? See the Animals who claim territory, - its only to protect their family and their own. they know There’s more land as land. But they know who they are. And I need you to know and to never forget who you are: because there’s no Armenian left that’s more armenian than you, the Artsakhci. you are the one’s who just experienced what we have made you to only believe to be defeat.
but Narek, I want you to know that artsakh is gone- but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
your home is Artsakh, and that is neither my home or my Artsakh.
My Artsakh is you-
and through you- i get to see Our Artsakh.
I get to understand the power and culture of our artsakh. i get to ExPERIENCE TO live THE life that you live as artsakh. Bro, - You are Artsakh- And you are not going to be known as a victim By your grandchild. You gave me my truth. And this is for you to know that for you i’ll always keep my promise- because I know that ONLY With you I will ever get to see our Artsakh-
AND UNTIL THEN,

we are: